The Portrait of a Lady
by Kuroyuki-Kokuyoku
Summary: Not much is known about Dazai Osamu's past. That is until a certain someone came along and shattered their perception of the world. Meet Jasmine Katherine Rowling. The-Woman-Who-Conquered, the Mistress of Death, and most importantly, Dazai Osamu's mother.
1. Pride and Prejudice

**This story is an overdue gift to everyone for their support in my story. Thank you so much for the 100+ favorites and 100+ follows on Great Expectations~**

 **Warnings: This fic is rated T for language…and not just from Chuuya's filthy teenaged mouth.**

* * *

Chapter 1: Pride and Prejudice

"Dazai~. Chuuya~. I want a sundae. Buy me one." The little blonde-haired girl demanded to the two teenage boys as she tugged at their hands to get them to enter the ice cream shop they almost passed by.

About half an hour ago, Elise had lost her temper over some trivial matter with Mori, so she stormed out of the Port Mafia headquarters, leaving behind the sobbing mafia boss tucked in a fetal position underneath his desk. Not stopping there, she grabbed the seventeen-year-old Soukoku pair just as they were about to leave on a mission and proceeded to dragged them all over Yokohama, knowing full well that with the missions they were supposed to complete postponed, Mori's paperwork will increase. Maybe this time Mori will actually drown in his own tears if this was the extent Elise will go to get back at her caretaker.

As Dazai examined the menu, he turned to his partner and asked, "So you feel like splitting a double?"

Chuuya scoffed in reply. "As if I'll eat something that's already been touched by you."

"Yeah, you're right. It's not healthy to ingest something's that's already been infected with germs. I wouldn't want to get a life-threatening illness like Dragon Pox from you." The bandaged-covered brunet commented to the redhead with a teasing tone.

The shorter teen let out long-suffering groan. "What even the hell is Dragon Pox?!"

His partner has a habit of dropping odd terms that make no sense from time to time. Stuff like how "he's way better than Veritaserum during interrogations" and that "Akutagawa is as threatening as a flobberworm with the pathetic way he's utilizing his ability". But no matter how much Chuuya asked, he would always refuse to clarify what those weird words mean. Oddly enough, his partner would only do it whenever no one else was around or it's just him and Mori in the room. The redhead couldn't tell if Dazai wanted to convey something to him or is just doing it to mess with him. Either way, he's decided to ignore them until the bandaged idiot finally works up the nerve to tell him.

"Chuuya, I want a triple scoop banana split with a waffle bowl, a brownie bottom, sprinkles, chocolate syrup and whipped cream. Also, don't forget the cherry on top, okay~." Elise ordered while adding a cutsy tone to her voice for good measure.

"You hear that? Now get the little lady her sundae, and make it snappy." The teen demanded to the nervous employee behind the counter.

After paying for Elise's sundae, the trio left the ice cream shop and went to Sankei-en so the little girl can properly enjoy her dessert. They chose a spot underneath some sakura trees and went to one of the benches overlooking Oike Pond.

As they sat down, the taller of the two teens turned to his shorter partner. "Tell me, Chuuya, are you feeling adventurous?" Dazai said mischievously as he took out a box of jelly beans from the pocket of his coat.

(*´艸`*)

"Holy shit… did I just eat a salmon flavored one?" The red-haired teen questioned, staring at the opened box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans between them in astonishment.

"Chuuya, check this out! I got soap!" The bandaged brunet burped and a large bubble came out of his mouth followed by smaller ones.

His partner scrunched his face up in distaste while the blonde little girl next to him giggled as she ate her cold treat. "That's disgusting. But I'll admit it was cool." He then grabbed the box, rifled through it, took out an auburn colored candy bean, and ate it. "Nice, it's sherry."

"Ooh, you naughty boy. Ane-san's not going to like that. Have you sneaking into the wine cabinets when she's not looking?" Dazai singsonged as he leaned forward and took back the box. He poured out a handful and popped another bean into his mouth. Hmm, grapefruit.

"What she doesn't know won't hurt her. Besides, we're already 17. I bet there are plenty of guys in Port Mafia who've started drinking waaaay younger than we are now." Chuuya pointed out as he snatched back the jelly beans and examined what's left.

"True." The brunet said.

Suddenly he paused and his entire frame stiffened. Immediately getting up to his feet, he stared past the group of trees from across the pond.

"Oi Dazai, what's wrong?" The shorter of the two demanded softly. The redhead hackles were also raised. He couldn't see what it was but he can tell there was something there that is making his partner act the way he is.

The bandaged teen didn't reply as he slowly turned to his companions with his eyes still locked onto whatever it is he can see. "…Chuuya, Elise, whatever you do... don't- SHIT!" The brunet turned back and bodily tackled both of them out of the way of some lights aimed where they were. The three immediately took action by taking cover behind some of the trees as colorful streams of lights flew around them only to bounce off of their makeshift shelter.

"Oi, Dazai?! What are we going to do?!" Chuuya hollered at his partner from where he was.

Whoever their attackers were, they are bold. Attacking them in broad daylight and a public place filled with people is sure to get someone's attention. By now, the police will be on the way and the whole area will be swarming with cops in mere minutes. So unless they have some sort of means or an ability user that can get them out, there's no chance they can get aware.

That is…unless it's a suicidal move to take care of the Soukoku of Port Mafia. Or maybe it's Dazai they're after, the youngest executive in the Port Mafia's history, and Chuuya and Elise happened to be collateral damage.

"…For now just keep dodging. And no matter what, avoid the green ones. Even a graze is more than enough to kill you." The brunet replied as his mind was whirling on how they can get out of the situation alive. "Shame and Toad" is out as that will leave them both open to be killed. How about "The Fake Flowers Deceit" or "Rain Falls Outside The Window Frame"?

"LOOK OUT!" Elise screamed as she jumped out of her hiding place and tackled Dazai to the ground, taking the sickly green light aimed at him directly to her small torso.

"E-Elise-cha-?" He breathed out in shock. Even though he knew that the little girl Mori tends to dote upon is merely a figment of the man's ability. The being that manifests his very desires. Who's not even considered truly alive in the first place. Yet despite knowing full well, why does the sight of her lifeless body after taking the Killing Curse meant for him made his heart twist?

The last thing he heard was Chuuya calling out his name before red sparks engulfed him. Then darkness.

(*´艸`*)

As Chuuya finally came to, he heard Dazai's obnoxious voice directed at him, asking if he's awake. Cracking open his eyes, he saw that they were in the first floor of the abandoned Kanagawa Toyo bowling alley in Yokohama. The next thing he noticed was that the two were chained together back to back with their hands tied up using ropes.

"Great. The torture has already started." The redhead drawled dryly. "So what's going on now?"

"We got kidnapped by some dark wizards." The bandaged brunet replied. "Don't worry. By now, the Boss is already sending someone to get us. So all we have to just stay put until we can act."

Chuuya turned towards his partner as best as he could and growled out, "Now's not the time to be joking, you bandage-wasting machine!" He then added sarcastically, "I mean, really? Wizards? Why not a kitsune or how about a yuki-onna out for world domination? That's more believable than _wizards_."

"I'm being serious about this." The other teen said, the tone in his voice grim. He turned his head to look at the redhead straight in the eyes. "Look, you know how ability users operate on a different level than civilians, right? Like we all belong to a separate world that no one else can comprehend even though we are still a part of the same society as them? Now add in a _third_ world. This is what wizards are." Dazai explained patiently.

This set off alarms in the shorter teen's head. Normally, his partner was cool and confident in his ability to gain the upper hand on their enemies. After all, he didn't become an executive at the tender age of sixteen for nothing. His manipulations and tactical mind are something to be feared. In all the years the redhead has known him, not once has one of Dazai's plans ever let him down.

"How do _you_ all this then?" Chuuya asked, suspicion lacing his tone. If wizards operate similarly like ability users, then they would try to keep the knowledge of them on the down low.

"Because my mother is one of them. In other words, she's a witch." The bandage-wearing teen said cheerfully as if that were something to be proud of.

"Exactly. And a filthy Mudblood at that. After all, what more can you expect from someone with her dirty blood? You should know, you, _a lowly squib_ , are proof of her tainted pedigree." A slimy voice spat out.

Entering the room was a group of less than a dozen men and women of varying ages. Some looked relatively human, others looked like they had underwent assorted extents of body modification. However, all of them wore the same white robes, even if some looked worse for wear. From the looks of it, the ringleader was a short middle-aged man with long unkempt black hair and dark black lightless eyes. His stained white robe was open revealing what was once an expensive yukata but time and wear reduced it to mere rags.

Needless to say when it comes to first impressions, neither teen were very impressed with him. Dazai even went as far as to comment, "Now, now. Didn't your mother teach you not to say such horrible language? I would flat out call you an oxygen-deprived blueblood whose father took it up in the ass by a Blast-Ended Shrewt, but saying that is inappropriate and frowned upon, so I'll just use sarcasm. After all, _my mother_ raised me better than that."

The man growled lowly. "Perhaps I should introduce myself. My name is Yuta Riku. While you may not know who _I_ am, I know full well about _your mother_." He raised his arm and pushed up the sleeve of his robe to expose his inner left forearm. There in full view was the unmistakable tattoo of a skull with a long winding snake coming out of its mouth.

Chuuya heard a hitch in Dazai's breath. "You're a member of the Death Eaters?! I thought most of you are dead or in prison after the war." The brunet said in confusion.

"Yes. It's true. The mighty wizard who once struck terror through the hearts of all is no more. ALL BECAUSE OF YOUR WHORE OF A MOTHER, POTTER JASMINE!" The man shrieked at him.

"Actually, she goes by Rowling Jasmine Katherine these days. JK-san for short." The brunet teen corrected casually. Then Chuuya felt his partner let loose a choking blast of bloodlust towards the man and whispered menacingly, "And don't call my Okaa-chan a whore."

"O-Oh? And w-what can you and your little _boyfriend_ do to _me_?" Yuta stuttered before summoning up his bravado. "I have you at my absolute mercy! You and that _half-breed_ are squibs. You don't even have magic to fight back against me, a pureblood descended from an illustrious line!" He boasted as he spat out the word "half-breed" as though it were poison.

Dazai shrugged. "True, but bloodline alone doesn't dictate how powerful you are. After all, Okaa-chan did take out some _trash_ back when she was around _my age_." He shot back and ended with a mocking laughter.

Apparently this triggered the man as a vein pulsed visibly on his temple. "THAT DAMN MUDBLOOD BITCH RUINED EVERYTHING! Voldemort-sama and his Death Eaters were doing just fine before that your whore of a mother came along and destroyed them!" The man shouted hysterically before quietly adding bitterly, "If only I could have met them in their prime."

The bandaged brunet blinked in confusion. "Wait, you've never met them? I thought you- _Oh. My. Kami. Sama_. You're not a member. You're not even a supporter in the war! YOU'RE A FANBOY! That's _amazing_!" Dazai crowed gleefully. _What the hell?!_ Is his partner high on adrenaline or something?!

"If only that Potter whore just stayed out of the way. Voldemort-sama would've taken over the entire world by now and lead all of us into a new age of Dark Magic!" Yuto cried out vehemently.

"This is the greatest day of my life~!" The teen exclaimed happily, making Chuuya wonder which one of partner's suicidal attempts caused him to have a screw loose somewhere.

The insane man whirled towards the teens and began shouting hysterically. "DO YOU MIND?! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU FOR A RITUAL TO BRING BACK MY LORD!"

Dazai chuckled darkly. "Hey, if I'm going to die anyways, the least I can do is make it so that you don't get to enjoy killing a suicidal advocate."

The man let out an inhumane shriek and raised his wand to the pair as the tip glowed ominously with a sickly green hue. "DIE, YOU LITTLE BAS-" A large rumble suddenly cut him off as he toppled slightly from a small earthquake that shook the abandoned building. "…What was that?"

"…Question, do any of you happen to have life insurance?" Dazai asked pleasantly.

"…I know _I_ am, but…" One of Yuto's minions trailed off as he looked at his comrades with an unsure look.

"What about your wills? Are they up to date?" He continued with a widening grin on his face.

"…Why?" Another said suspiciously.

"Just curious." The teen shrugged and looked at them with a knowing look in his eyes. "Let me put it this way. In exactly 3.53 seconds, a nesting mother dragon will burst through that wall with all the ferocity of a Hungarian Horntail. You might want to start praying to whatever gods you believe in… _now_."

True to his word, the moment he finished his last sentence, something did came through the wall. The force of the impact sent rubble flying everywhere and scattering the decades old debris. Through the amount of dust covering the room they were in, they can make out a small figure of a petite woman slowly making her way towards the group with a dark menacing aura.

Chuuya can feel his spine turn ice-cold as she approached the men with a merciless smile on her face. His eyes widened, immediately recognizing smile. That smile is the same one Dazai would have on before he completely and utterly _destroyed_ his enemies. What's even worst is that the woman is like Kouyou in her Ane-san mode, only ten- maybe a hundred times worst! These guys are f%#$ed, and they all knew it, judging by the growing stains on their lower regions.

She may be small and cute, but this little lady can gut you alive with a butter knife before turning around and serve her husband and child her homemade apple pie… While she's none other than the Woman-Who-Conquered herself, most importantly, above all else…

She's Dazai Osamu's beloved mother. Jasmine Katherine Rowling.

"So boyas~…" Jasmine purred after taking in the injuries on Chuuya and the bloody bandages on Dazai. "Are you the ones who've caused all those injuries on my baby boy and future son-in-law~?"

(*´艸`*)

(An hour ago)

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'VE LOST THEM?! I DID NOT COME ALL THE WAY TO YOKOHAMA JUST TO HEAR THAT _MY SON_ WAS KIDNAPPED BY SOME MAHOUTOKORO DROP-OUTS!" The petite green-eyed woman in front of Mori screamed as the bulletproof windows in his office vibrated in her fury.

"A-Actually, Jasmine-chan, they're Dark Wizard sympathizers," he tentatively corrected the livid mother as he backed away from her with his hands held up in a non-threatening gesture in the hopes of not being the target of the woman's wrath.

"I DON'T EVEN CARE IF THEY WORSHIP IZANAMI'S MOLDY, MAGGOT-INFESTED LEFT BREAST! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON THEM, I'M GOING TO TURN THEM INTO DUCKS AND MAKE FOIE GRAS OUT OF THEM!" The smaller woman roared as several cracks appeared on the sturdy glass as she paced back and forth like an angry lioness.

"…Wouldn't that be considered cannibalism, my dear?" The leader of Port Mafia pointed out.

"THEY WON'T EVEN _RESEMBLE_ HUMANS BY THE TIME I'M DONE WITH THEM ANYWAYS! THEY SHOULD BE THANKFUL I'M NOT CONSIDERING BRAWN SINCE THEY OBVIOUSLY DON'T NEED THE _DECORATION_ BETWEEN THEIR SHOULDERS!" Jasmine shouted back.

"That is a cruel and unusual punishment…" Mori gasped out in horror with a hand to his chest before bouncing up to her with hearts in his eyes. "Can I please take you out to dinner after you're done~? There's a new restaurant that just opened up, and they even have your favorite dessert, treacle tarts~.

"Later," she growled out before Apparating to go find Dazai.

Now alone in his office, the leader of Port Mafia let out a sign of relief. He then sauntered to his desk and picked up his phone to call his subordinates. "…Hello, Hirotsu-san, I'm going to need the Black Lizard for this assignment. Tell me, how good are your men at cleaning up a murder scene?"

* * *

 **AN: Just to be clear, before Jasmine went to visit Dazai when she heard from Mori that he's been partnered up with Chuuya. She mistakenly thought that he meant that Dazai got himself a boyfriend so she came all the way to Yokohama planning on congratulating him and demand that he introduce her to her "future son-in-law". Buuuuut you can see how that went…**

 **BTW Elise is perfectly fine. She** ** _is_** **Mori's ability and not a real living being after all… That still doesn't stop Jasmine to spoil her rotten after hearing that Elise was hit by the Killing Curse. "Trauma"=Jasmine's homemade treats**

 **Sankei-en, Oike Pond, and Kanagawa Toyo bowling alley: Real places in Yokohama. Sankeien garden is absolutely beautiful BTW. Seriously, Google image the place. And when you come across pictures of cherry blossoms surrounding the waters of the Oike Pond or the Main Pond, that's it.**

 **Dazai v. Yuto Riku dialogue: I couldn't resist adding in Sword Art Online Abridged. I may have changed the dialogue a little to suit the situation, but I still want to give credit to Episode 9. As for Yuto, he's just an OC I came up with as a scapegoat to Jasmine's wrath.**

 **Foie gras: Take a goose or duck and force-feed it until its liver is nice and fat. While researching, I couldn't find out if this practice is banned in Japan or not. But I do know it's banned in the UK, though I highly doubt that will stop MamaBear!Jasmine from exacting her maternal rage onto her poor victims.**

 **Brawn: It's the British term for "head cheese". You take all the meat and tissue on an animal's skull and you cook, chill, and set it in gelatin.**

 **Mahoutokoro: Japan's wizarding school located on the volcanic island of Minami Iwa Jima. According to Pottermore, students are given enchanted robes which not only grow in size but also changes color as they learn. They start off with light pink can turn gold (if top marks are achieved in every subject). However, turning white is considered a big disgrace because it means that the student (or soon-to-be formerly) have delved into forbidden magics or broken the International Statute of Secrecy.**

 **Thanks for all the love and appreciation you've given to this story. Please don't forget to review and favorite. See you next time~ (** **人** **´З`)**


	2. The Minor Voice

Chapter 2: The Minor Voice

One morning, the Armed Detective Agency is met with an unusual sight. Now normally, they tend to come across some pretty weird shit all throughout their many cases. However…

The sight of a panicking Dazai easily trumps everything they've seen. Typically, at this time, the bandage wearing brunet can be found procrastinating on his work, trying out another method of suicide, or set records on just how high he can make Kunikida's blood pressure rise by simply _breathing_. However, the brunet man is frantically going about cleaning the agency from top to bottom with a mop and duster in hand and his hair and face protected by a pair of handkerchiefs.

"Um…since when did Dazai-san turn into Levi Ackerman? Did he run into a mind-switching ability user or something?" Tanizaki asked his colleagues nervously.

Immediately, the man spun around to face the group with an intense expression on his mostly-covered face that Kunikida was almost proud of. "WHAT THE HELL IS EVERYONE JUST STANDING AROUND FOR?! HELP ME, DAMMIT!"

Everyone jumped and then immediately went to help clean the agency.

After grabbing a rag and a Kleenex spray-bottle, Atsushi approached Kenji and asked, "H-Hey, do you know what's gotten into Dazai-san that's making him act like this?" The two observed the man in question as he screeched at Ranpo for creating a mess after he cleaned out his desk from the leftovers of his candy stash.

"Hmm, I don't know, but I'm amazed! I didn't Dazai-san can be so energetic like this. I wonder what's the special occasion that's making him behave like this." Kenji remarked cheerfully as they wiped down the tables.

"A giant meteorite is going to hit Yokohama?" Kunikida suggested, looking out the window in case it was raining frogs and spears.

"A significant other?" Kyouka guessed as she swept the floor. Given the bandaged man's surprising popularity with women, it would make somewhat sense though he normally wouldn't go as far as this to impress his many female admirers.

"Oh, it's a woman alright! My Okaa-chan is visiting!" The bandaged-wearing man yelled back in reply after overhearing the conversation.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"EEHHHHHHH?!" Everyone immediately dropped what they were doing and turned towards the still cleaning man with wide-eyed expressions.

"H-How could you have a-a mother?" Yosano gasped out.

"That's a rude question to ask. Of course I have a mother. I have to come from somewhere, right?" Dazai pouted as he took off the handkerchiefs covering his hair and face.

"And she's _still around_? How? What about your father then?" Naomi asked.

The man simply smirked and replied in a knowing tone. "Of course, she's been living in her home country, England. Let's just say that Death deems Okaa-chan and me too interesting to deprive our existence from the world." Then his good humor soured as he frowned angrily and said in a dark tone, "My _Chichiue_ , on the other hand…Given the chance, I would commit patricide if becoming a widow doesn't make Okaa-chan upset. I absolutely refuse to acknowledge that man as nothing more than a sperm donor."

"…I wonder…what kind of woman…is she?" Atsushi questioned.

At the weretiger's question, everyone's minds run wild. They imagined a short older female version of Dazai with graying brown hair tied up in a tight bun, wearing kappogi over a formal kimono to complete the traditional housewife look. They also imagined her to be an old-fashioned but frail woman, but at the same time, she'd also be a dangerously shrewd woman. Given that Dazai's dark personality has to come from somewhere, it wouldn't be much of a surprise if she's just as twisted as her child.

Everyone in the agency shuddered at the image they've came up with, causing the bandage-wearing brunet to narrow his eyes at them suspiciously. "…All of you just thought of something insulting about my Okaa-chan, didn't you?"

(*´艸`*)

Later in the day, Atsushi found himself making his way back to the agency after he bought ingredients from the nearby grocery store. Dazai wanted to serve his mother's favorite treat as a surprise for her and nearly threw a fit when he found out that the night before Ranpo had eaten the treacle tart he had placed in the agency's break room for safekeeping. So he sent the eighteen-year-old to get the necessary items so he could make another fresh pastry.

"Excuse me, young man. Is this where I can find the Armed Detective Agency?" A woman's voice caught Atsushi's attention just as he was about to enter the building after getting groceries for snacks.

Turning to the person, the weretiger saw that it was a small woman. She had her long, curly, mass of dark hair tied back in a loose over the shoulder ponytail and wore a denim jacket over a white blouse and gray maxi skirt with pastel flats. Though at first glance he figured that she could be anywhere between Kyoka and his age, she was probably slightly older given that she just called him "young man" earlier.

"O-Oh, yes. Our headquarters is on the first floor. If you like, I can escort you to the agency. I'm returning from an errand anyways." The teen offered as they entered the building.

"Thank you, dear. I had hoped I had the address right. It's been a while since I've came to this city. I honestly thought I'd gotten lost." The woman replied with a soft smile.

Atsushi blinked as they made their way up to the fourth floor. "Oh really, you've been to Yokohama before?"

"I visit this city on occasions. My son is here, you know. His father and I separated a while back so I only have visitation rights." She said wistfully.

The weretiger snapped his neck towards her in astonishment. "You have a son?! And you're married, but you're so young?!" The woman didn't look like she was out of school yet. Was she one of those teen mothers who got knocked up while still in school and then had a shotgun wedding?

The woman giggled at his reaction. "Not as young as you think, young man. I'm older than I look."

"Oh…" He said sheepishly at his overreaction before asking, "…are you hoping to ask us to track down them down for you?"

"Hmm…in a way…" She replied cryptically with a mysterious smile.

(*´艸`*)

"WHERE THE HELL DID DAZAI WENT?!" Kunikida bellowed as he searched for his missing partner.

"I think he said something about going to the Director's office." Tanizaki replied, remembering that the bandage-wearing brunet had run out of the room with a bunch of cleaning supplies in hand.

"That's allowed?" Kyouka asked.

"Considering I just saw him ranting at the Director while he's mopping the floor, I say he _can_ get away with it." Yosano commented. It was almost hilarious seeing the normally mischievous man acting like Kunikida for once. Even more so when she saw that the Director actually pouted like a scolded child

While rearranging the desks, Kenji noticed that the self-proclaimed Super Detective was sitting on top of Dazai's desk and reading a piece a paper. "Ranpo-san, are you taking a break? Is that a letter you're reading?" He asked.

"It's not mine. I was about to clean out the trash when I found these gems in Dazai's trash. Wanna see?" The dark-haired man said as he held up a bunch of the unfinished letters. Giving into their curiosity, they each selected one.

Much of the words were almost illegible, but they can make out certain words like "mother", "surprise", "Teddy-nii", and "new minion". Their names were also mentioned several times and from what they can get, Dazai's mother had been in frequent contact with her son. Ranpo in particular noticed an interesting passage in the letter he was holding.

" _I think you'll really like Atsushi-kun. Now before you get any ideas, I'm not adopting him as my "smol cinnamon roll" child. Aren't you already spoiling You-Know-Who with hugs and fig rolls? By the way, is he still afraid of Aunt Luna? If so, then I feel kind of sorry for Higuchi-kun if he ever relapses. Again."_

"Reading through someone's mail is an invasion of their privacy." Kunikida childe his snooping coworkers.

"It's not actually mail if it's been thrown away." The shorter man retorted and held up one of the discarded letters to him teasingly. "C'mon, you know you want to read it~."

Before the taller detective had a chance to reply, the door opened revealing Atsushi carrying the groceries and a person right behind him. "Um…everyone, we have a client." The white-haired teen announced as he held the door open for the petite woman to come through.

"Thank you very much, dears." She said to the teen and Kenji who escorted her to the couches to sit down. The eighteen-year-old weretiger headed towards the break room to put away the groceries and fix some tea for their guest.

"My name is Jasmine Katherine Rowling, or as you say it here, Rowling Jasmine." The woman introduced herself after she got acquainted with the agency's detectives. "If you like, you can just call me JK-san since it's less of a mouthful than Rowling-san."

"So what's a little girl like you doing all the way over here? While it is obvious you need an excellent such as myself to solve your problems, wouldn't you get in trouble with your school?" Ranpo drawled as he cracked open a bottle of ramune. From what he could tell, she's probably not much older than Naomi. Schools over in Europe should still be in session so she's either skipping, suspended, or a drop-out.

Jasmine blushed a little. "Well, I'm flattered that you think of me that way, Ranpo-kun, but despite how I look, I'm old enough to be _your mother_. Not to mention I'm still pretty much married." Immediately, the dark-haired detective started choking on his ramune at her revelation, and everyone blinked and did a double-take at the deceptively-young woman as she added, "In fact, I have a son about Kunikida-kun's age." This made everyone's jaw drop. HOW OLD IS THIS WOMAN THEN?!

"O-Okay…then…so what is it that you came here for? Is your request investigative or something?" Tanizaki asked nervously despite still having a hard time wrapping his head around the thought that the young gir- _woman_ in front of him is actually around the Director's age.

"Actually, I'm looking for my son. If I remember correctly from his last letter, he mentioned that he's working here. I was wondering if you can tell me-" She started but was interrupted by the office door slamming open.

"The director's office is all clean! Now let's move on to…" He stopped in his tracks when he noticed Jasmine. The petite woman got up from her seat with a look of joy on her face. To the shock of everyone, the man swept her up in a tight embrace and proceeded to spin her around with a happy smile on his face. "OKAA-CHAN~!"

"Osamu-kun! Look at you. You've grown so much. I can't believe it's been this long since I saw you." The youthful-looking mother cooed as she took in the handsome young man her son had become.

THUMP!

"Eh, what was that?" The woman questioned in concern while still in her son's hug.

"…Kunikida-san passed out." Kyoka remarked simply as she observed the man's unmoving body on the floor.

(*´艸`*)

"You know…I used to think that Ranpo-san was the one who doesn't look his age…But you've just made me question my sanity and envy your good fortune." Yosano said dully as she examined the petite mother sitting on the couch next to her son.

Everyone had just learned that Jasmine had recently turned forty as of late July, yet she could easily be mistaken for a middle schooler if they didn't know any better. Every women in the room was wondering what sort of secret she had for her unaging appearance. Seriously, what do they have to eat to become like that?!

In addition, she was so kind and gentle. Such a sweet woman couldn't possibly be related to someone like Dazai. If it wasn't for the face that they can pick out parts of Jasmine in their coworker, they would've assumed that the brunet was adopted. At least they had one thing right with their previous assumptions about what kind of woman she is. Dazai's mother is rather small and dainty for a full-grown woman.

"I just have just one question that's been bothering me…HOW IS IT THAT A WOMAN LIKE YOU PRODUCED SUCH A LAZY, BANDAGE-WASTING MACHINE LIKE HIM?! THERE'S NO WAY YOU TWO SHARED ANY SORT OF BLOOD RELATION! THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOU TWO ARE TOO GREAT!" Kunikida roared while pointing at his carefree partner.

"Nope." Dazai drawled in English, popping the "p" at the end. "Your assumption is incorrect. Besides, I like to think that I take more after Okaa-chan."

" _Bullshit,_ " was the collective thought that ran through the detectives' minds. It was more believable for the woman to turn out to be Dazai's newest female admirer, and she was just pranking his coworkers to impress him.

Kenji chimed in with a thoughtful look on his face, "Maybe…it's his father's fault? Ooh, I know, can you tell us how Dazai was born? I'm really curious since we barely know anything about him." The boy innocently asked. This caught everyone's attention. Dazai's past was a total mystery to even his closest friends and longtime companions. This is their chance to find out more about their comrade.

"Ah, his father's a bit of a sensitive subject for Osamu-kun, but for his sake, I won't say his name." Jasmine began. "Years ago, back when I wasn't much older than Atsushi-kun, I met this charming, young man while I was vacationing in Yokohama. At the time, he was still studying to become a doctor. One day he went to a café to catch up on his schoolwork, and I happened to run into him. Immediately, he'd fallen head-over-heels in love the moment he laid eyes on me, and after that he tried to convince me to go out with him using host club pick-up lines."

"Does anyone have a case of déjà vu?" Ranpo added teasingly, making everyone chuckle. Guess they now know why Dazai is such a ladies' man.

"At the time, I want nothing to do with him." Jasmine continued. "You see, back home in England, I was a bit of a local celebrity in my community so I often had to deal with stalkers and gold-diggers. It left me a bit jaded when it comes to romantic relationships. In the end, I couldn't deny my attraction to him so I decided to at least give him a chance. We married a few months later and then we had Osamu-kun…and the rest is history."

"Is that so? Where is your husband then? Why didn't he come with you to see Dazai-san?" Yosano asked.

"Oh, that…To be honest, we more or less separated 10 years ago. We're still considered husband and wife since we haven't even dissolved our marriage yet, but we haven't really reconnected in years. I…highly doubt you'll appreciate me bringing him along. I don't think I'm ready to fully become a widow just yet." Jasmine said offhandedly as she looked to her son with amusement. Her little boy was pretty much quietly bitching about his father like a rebellious teen. She half-expected him to cross his arms and pout like an adorable angry child.

The youthful-looking mother continued her story. "I believe it was around the time when Osamu-kun's ability started acting up, and we pretty much got into a big argument about his future. Both of us are ability users, so it's only natural we produced an exceptionally powerful ability user as a result."

"Then…why did you let Dazai become a part of Port Mafia?" Kunikida inquired. Dazai's mother doesn't seem like the type of woman who would allow her young son to be involved in such a bloody ability-user organization at the time. If it's not the mother, than perhaps it's the father.

The woman sighed. "Don't get us wrong. We both do love our son. My husband had been especially overjoyed when he figured out that Osamu-kun had a nullification-based ability. However, I wanted Osamu-kun be able to live a normal life or at least still have a childhood, but he wanted to put our son's ability to better use for the sake of the city. There was no compromise as our plans clashed with each other. In the end, we decided it was better for us to separate. Because I'm not a born-and-raised Japanese citizen, full-custody automatically went to his father."

"Not only that, my godson's grandmother recently passed away so I had to make up my mind on the hardest decision of my life. Should I go back to England and raise my godchild or should I stay in Japan for my son? No matter how you look at it, I am essentially abandoning one child in favor of another." Jasmine said, her voice exposing her shame and disgust with herself.

Dazai reached over and squeezed his mother's hand comfortingly. "Okaa-chan, it's alright. I never blamed you for choosing Teddy-nii over me. He needed you more than I did. Besides, in the end I turned out alright. Not even _that man_ would let anything happen to his own flesh-and-blood if he can help it."

At the time, his adopted older brother, Edward "Teddy" Lupin was in danger because of his father's lycanthropy. If Jasmine had chosen to stay, she would've doomed her godchild to a life of ostracization and prejudice. That was something his mother couldn't stand happening. And so with a heavy heart, she packed her belongings and made her way back to her homeland.

But not before her husband vowed on his love for his wife that he would keep their son safe and raise him to the best of his abilities. Sure, he wasn't the best parent or even a good male role-model, but Dazai could admit that the man at least had tried.

"I still love that big idiot of mine, but until he gets his ass out of his head, I refuse to get back together with him." The youthful-looking mother huffed daintily as she concluded her story.

(*´艸`*)

Meeting Jasmine ended up taking the rest of the day (much to Kunikida's despair). By the time, anyone had realized how late it got, the sun was already setting. So before Dazai left with his mother to help check her in at a hotel, everyone went outside to see the woman off.

"You know there's something I've been wondering. If it's not too invasive, can you tell us your husband's name?" Atsushi tentatively brought up.

Based on what they've been told so far, they imagined a sinister looking man. He'd be tall and snake-like to suit his malicious but smooth-talking personality. He most like look like a significantly older, more darker version of his son if you take away the softer physical aspects Dazai inherited from Jasmine and replaced it with the stereotypical traits you'd find in one-dimension anime villains.

"Oh, I believe you know him as Mori Ougai. Rowling's my maiden name actually." Jasmine said innocently with a serene smile as though it was no big deal. Next to her, her bandage-covered son grumbled bitterly about how he doesn't want to be reminded of his other parent.

Once again, everyone's minds broke, and Kunikida fainted again.

"E-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"I CALL BULLSHIT! IS THIS ANOTHER ONE OF DAZAI-SAN'S SICK PRANKS?! NO WAY YOU TWO ARE HIS PARENTS!"

On the bright side, they were correct about one thing. Both father and son are cut from the same cloth.

* * *

 **AN: Aaaaand that's all for the special~**

 **Raining frogs and spears: Taken from Bungou Stray Dogs Wan Chapter 10. No shit. Dazai works hard for the first time and the world starts to end. Everyone had to get him to stop working in order to avoid a catastrophic disaster.**

 **Thanks for all the love and appreciation you've given to this story. Please don't forget to review and favorite. See you next chapter~ (ﾉ'** **ヮ')ﾉ*:･ﾟ***


End file.
